Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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