One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
