LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
