i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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