I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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