dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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