Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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