I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize