WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize