They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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