Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize