I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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