dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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