He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
