I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
