I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
