I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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