You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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