I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
be right there i have to get my cape
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
