I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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