Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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