My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
