theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
vagina is talking i cant
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
