Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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