she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
