Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
