Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
