I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
