I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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