also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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