I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
