dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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