i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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