he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
