An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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