Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
