Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize