reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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