Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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