the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
