I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this boner is exhausting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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