someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
