would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
