So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
