"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize