I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
