So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
