Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
