I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize