I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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