just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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