and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize