Umm I'm too high to move.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
