So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
