Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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