I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
