Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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