At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
