Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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