I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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