Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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