woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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