I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
