i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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