I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
