Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
