he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
